The Anything Goes Section

Further Punishment...

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)... a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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Funny But True History

The year is 1910.

The position of forest ranger is a brand new job; the new rangers have a huge task ahead of them. Their major role is to protect public forests.

The Forestry Main Office received this letter from one of the new recruits to the job:

"Dear sirs,
We have a encountered a problem and we need your advice on how to handle it. It has come to our attention that two undesirable prostitutes have set up shop on public land. Please advise how to handle situation.

Ranger Dobbs, Station One"

A few days later a reply came from the main office in Washington DC.

"Ranger Dobbs

Management has considered your situation and after some debate, we suggest you find two desirable ones."

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The Good King

Many years ago, in Medieval Europe, there was a small kingdom that was benevolently ruled by a very good king. The population was thriving; everyone had enough to eat, and there was good work for everyone. What could go wrong?

Well, one day, the king looked at all the animals being killed for his table, and felt quite ashamed of this, and so in a flash of insight he declared that henceforth his court and, in fact, the whole kingdom would become vegetarians. The king was loved by his subjects, and they happily agreed to this.

Now, it didn't take long for the animals in the kingdom to discover that they were very safe, and had nothing to fear anymore from humans. They began to multiply, and word had also got out to neighbouring kingdoms that it was safe there; soon the kingdom was being overrun by thousands of animals.

Unfortunately, this caused a major crop loss, which resulted in the people going into a near famine state. This caused considerable unrest. It got so bad, that notwithstanding the people's love for their king, they rose up in revolt and overthrew him.

This is the first recorded case in history where reign was called on account of game.

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black cats